Managing your numerous, painful conditions in a world full of hateful pricks who don't appreciate your pain, because they're heartless and probably zombies or at least non-human in the traditional emotional sense of the word

Pace yourself. Set reasonable goals for yourself. Don't expect to do everything you normally can. Like have sex -- oh, wait, you're crazy! No one was going to fuck you anyhow!! *

* Disclaimer: some goth chicks will fuck crazy guys, and every guy is under the delusion that crazy chicks fuck like angry Jack Russell Terriers.

Expect your mood to improve little by little, not overnight. People rarely "snap out" of a depression. Feeling better takes time. And, in fact, instead of snapping out of it, many people just plain snap like a chimp after being bitten by a meth fiend. *

* Disclaimer: not as funny as it sounds. We'd show you, but YouTube took the video down. Too bad -- that video would have totally cured your depression!

Turn away from the world. Other people are 98% of the reason you're suffering right now. Engaging the world only increases the risk they will figure out what you're up to and stop you before you can do it.

Avoid making big life decisions (like taking an assload of medication) when you're depressed. If you must make a big decision - switching jobs, getting married, or divorced - ask someone you trust to help you. They might be able to see your situation in a more clear-headed way. Of course, selef-selecting behavior in humans strongly indicates you hang out with nothing but depressed, drugged-up freaks. So, you might want to write to a newspaper columnist and ask. We suggest writing to the sports desk instead of Dear Abby, because frankly Dr. Z is, one, a doctor, and, two, seems like a pretty cool dude.

Keep yourself busy. Have you considered building a large laser to blow up the moon? Obviously the moon alters your moods -- you know this because "They" keep telling you it's not true, and we all know They're out to get you.

Think positively.

OK, now you know we're just fuckin' with you. Sorry, man, but all the doctors and people that do our peer review say it is socially irresponsible to just drug people because they're sad. We're aware they're just pricks. You know that. But, those pricks make us act like stuff other than drugs make anything better. That's just on the face of it a goddamned lie that only bastards born without souls perpetuate because they think your pain is funny.

We're not like that. You hurt. We fix you. No harder than making a peanut butter sammich.