Got Jesus? Got a little too much Jesus?

Stigmata are bodily marks, sores, or sensations of pain in locations corresponding to the crucifixion wounds of Your Lord and Savior, Jesus H. Christ. The term originates from the line at the end of Saint Paul's Letter to the Galatians where he says, "I bear on filthy, unmentionable parts of my body the marks of Jesus." Stigmata is the plural of the Greek word stigma meaning a mark, logo or brand such as might have been used for identification of a beanie baby or a slave. An individual bearing stigmata is referred to as a stigmatic, and should see an eyecare professional.

The causes of stigmata may vary from case to case. Stigmata are primarily associated with the Roman Catholic faith. Many reported stigmatics are members of Catholic religious orders. The majority of reported stigmatics are female.

Prescription Zocad is approved to treat stigmata. It cannot, however, cure Catholicism or femininity, although it has in rare cases caused some female test subjects to display hypermasculinization. A handful of Protestants displayed improved ability to do math and crochet.